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c’mon be dangerous…

Here’s the thing…there’s a baby boom going on among lesbians, and single straight women, and young women who may or may not have all the fucking privilege in the world, but not a shred of confidence, and no relationship with the women’s liberation movement–I tell ya, I am so glad that i’m not a young woman now, because it seems to me that the pressure to procreate is ENORMOUS. somehow, these women are feeling pressure to put their energy and passion somewhere, and the only thing they can come up with is raising a child. And of course ‘big daddy’ patriarchy is all too happy to give her all the rewards in the world for doing so. but not childcare. uh, no. the whole point is to make it so she cannot be part of the public world and stir up shit, she’s gotta be the only one who can change the diapers and feed the baby and all that goes with it. If we make childcare universally available and affordable and great for the kids, then Mom could, oh, I don’t know, join the glorious revolution, or go to school or get a job or find some allies and … but no. it’s gotta be all about the baby. and how fucking sacred motherhood is, and it’s the most important job in the world and yadayadayada. and if you dare to criticize or question anyone’s ‘choice’ to have a baby, then you’re the mean and grumpy old woman who’s just bitter or something. meanwhile, mama’s up on a pedestal, but knee-deep in diapers and breast leakage. probably feeling disappointed and confused because she’s doing what a woman ought to do, but it’s kind of hard work and boring and there’s no one around who can talk in full sentences and who does she blame for her disenchantment? Radical feminist lesbians. the ones who question the reasons for all these babies suddenly, the ones who are not satisfied with pink and blue, the ones who are not paying too much attention to their biological clocks…the ones who are brave enough to say, were ya thinking, then? sheesh.
because, as always, the enemy is not around. he is invisible. he is also scary. he has the money. and the stuff. it’s much easier to blame lesbians and call us ‘hetero-phobic’ or ‘mother-phobic’ whatever is the phobia-du-jour. bah. and the lesbians, the LESBIANS who are having babies, I ask you. why are we falling all over ourselves to prove to Big Daddy that we’re really ‘normal’ after all? We can be just like his good girls, we can get married and we can have babies, and raise ’em up in stable nuclear glow-in-the-dark plastic families just like the ones in 50s sit-coms, (ozzie and harriet, anyone?) but a little different.

and i say that and i feel small and mean and wonder if i really am bitter…because there are children and babies in my life whom i adore, and their mommies too. so i kind of feel like i should apologize if i’ve hurt anyone’s feelings because i like kids, i do, really and truly. but…but…if you’re just having a baby because you think you should, or because you imagine you are somehow being a rebellious lesbian (um. you’re not), or because you can’t figure out what else you might do with your life and pressure’s on to grow up already and take on some responsibility, and you don’t have any passions to follow and…any other facile reason…well. give your head a shake, dearie, because that child will figure out that she was born because you would not do the work of changing the world, and she’s gonna be pissed that you didn’t do what you could to clean up before passing it all on to her. And I’m pissed, too, in case you hadn’t noticed, because Big Daddy has won again, and i’ve got that much more work to do until your baby grows up and joins me, and I don’t have another 25 years, i’d rather have you now.

I’d just like to give a shout out to my unborn children, the tribe of wee eggs all jostling for position to be the next to launch herself down the fallopian slide every month (wheeeee! they scream in tiny voices). They sing a little song every mother’s day, expressing their gratitude to me for not having them. wheeeee!

plus, i have never missed a period. and I LOVE being pre-menstrual. i feel so big and powerful and strong and sensitive. and i might add, dangerous. a little dangerous.every month. look out, big daddy.

Here’s to dangerous women.

About easilyriled

My mom was Edith, my dad was John. I have a brother, who is Shawn. I have many friends and allies and mentors in my life. I'm white, over-educated, working in a field for which I am not yet trained, messy, funny, smart, lesbian, feminist "Not the fun kind", as Andrea Dworkin said. But I, like the feminists I hang with, ARE fun. Radical feminism will be the roots of our shared liberation. Rejection of sex-stereotypes (gender) and male domination will give us wings.

4 responses »

  1. Easily Riled, hey thats funny! Yep I can attest to that ( : I have to say I too have been feeling for a couple of years like we are living in a return to the 1950’s type era. Very strange times indeed……….

  2. I know this is an older post, but I felt compelled to respond.

    One of the things that bothers me about lesbians having babies is that if they do inseminations, there is a greater chance of having male children. The XY sperm swim fast and burn out fast, the XX sperm swim slow and steady. For an insemination, the sperm is introduced into the uterus, instead of into the vagina like would happen with normal intercourse, so the quicker sperm would get to the egg first.

    So, then you have yet again women putting their energy towards males. And it seems kinda gross to have women-centered women doing that especially.

    • Hi veganprimate,
      thanks for your post–i think it’s very fun that you read this and felt compelled to respond. I think the whole AI thing, and other reproductive technologies, are pretty creepy no matter what. In the big picture it’s not, for me, whether women are having boys or girls, but that they are having babies at all, and spending so much energy and time and other resources making designer babies through the ‘miracle’ of sperm banks, AI, yadayadayada AT ALL. lookit that. i’m yelling.

      I get so worked up…

      artificial insemination (and all that other stuff) looks way too much like eugenics to me. I don’t think women generally enter into the whole motherhood thing lightly, but at the same time, i get the feeling, more and more, that we are living in Stepford. and that we are thoughtless, overall, about the consequences of the choices we are making (or forced to make, as the case may be).

      gives me the willies.

  3. The pressure IS enormous. And, sadly, even lesbian families tend to turn inward in a heteronormative way that robs them of community. The nuclear family is often insular and politically apathetic, a terrible combination when engaging with the larger world. Or not engaging, as is often the case.


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